Parenting the Graduate
Parents of graduates often experience a swell of emotions as they watch their child take a large step towards independence. For many, this season also ushers in the need for a parenting shift: the releasing of areas in their child's life of which they were once primarily responsible.
Josh Wellborn, national director for Assemblies of God Young Adult Ministries, understands this season, having two high school graduates himself, and offers the following tips for parents of graduates (or older teens) as they become young adults.
SHIFT FROM CONTROL TO INFLUENCE
“Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching” (2 Timothy 4:2, NLT).
When children step into their young adult journey, it is crucial for parents to remember that, while they no longer are in control of certain things, the importance of their influence remains the same. This influence no longer comes from making decisions for them, it instead comes through consistent encouragement and truth.
LISTEN WITHOUT FIXING
“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry” (James 1:19, NLT).
One significant difference between the childhood/adolescent phase and the young adult phase of life is that, while trouble and problems still exist, what children need from their parents changes. Instead of fixing the problem, these new young adults now need a sounding board, someone to listen to them without telling them what to do. Listening creates space for trust and emotional connection between parents and their young adult children.
RESPECT THEIR INDEPENDENCE
“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6, KJV).
The spiritual foundation a parent has laid for their child will remain important throughout adulthood, but this is the part of a child’s life where they must stand upon this foundation by themselves. While relinquishing control of a child’s spiritual wellbeing can be challenging, it is important to trust God and His faithfulness.
CELEBRATE PROGRESS OVER PERFECTION
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished…” (Philippians 1:6, NLT).
Maturing from adolescence into adulthood is a process. It does not happen overnight. The process involves an imperfect person but also a perfect God. Celebrating a child’s progress, no matter how small, is a great form of encouragement and, while it may be slow at times, parents can trust that God is still working in their child's life.
KEEP THE DOOR (AND YOUR HEART) OPEN
“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other” (John 13:34, NLT).
No matter how old a child gets, having the unconditional love of a parent remains important. This radical love creates a safe space for children to grow into their new young adult skin in a way that builds confidence and security.
SUPPORT THEIR FAITH JOURNEY
“Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you…” ( Philippians 2:12-13, NLT).
God’s work in a child’s heart may look different than in the heart of their parents’, but parents can be sure that His work is good and can be trusted. It is never too late, and a person is never too far gone for God to work in their lives. No matter where their child is in their faith journey, a parent who supports their child’s spiritual walk will often make all the difference.
MODEL HEALTHY ADULTHOOD
“And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1, NLT).
Nothing is a more powerful influence on a young adult’s life than a parent’s modeling of healthy behavior. A parent’s example preaches louder than their advice. By modeling biblical virtues and healthy attributes of adulthood, their young adult children are learning by watching their choices lived out in real time.
PRAY MORE THAN YOU PUSH
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done” (Philippians 4:6, NLT).
Parenting is one of the hardest yet most rewarding roles a person will ever play. However, the prayers of a parent reach where even the best parenting techniques can’t. The power of a praying parent is not to be underestimated; as a child transitions into an adult, their need for praying parents is greater than ever before.