A Christian Response to Gender Confusion
In recent years, gender and sexuality issues have become more prominent with a noticeable shift in popular culture from tolerance to celebration of gender dysphoria.
Several states have brought “gender identity” under the umbrella of non-discrimination laws and, for some, curriculum in public schools has been adjusted to teach children as early as kindergarten that gender is a social construct.
This cultural shift has prompted both deep conversations and distinguishing concern, leaving Christian parents and grandparents to navigate this topic at an ever-increasing rate.
Assemblies of God evangelist Emily Oakley, founder of Rebirth Ministries, says that it is important for families to approach the subject of transgenderism with compassion, while remaining steadfast and unwavering in their biblical convictions. She provides parents and grandparents with the following tips for addressing the issue of gender confusion with their teenage or adult children.
PRAY
“First of all, parents have to realize that it is not us that can change hearts, it has to be the Holy Spirit. So, we should be praying that we can get out of the way and that the Holy Spirit would do His work,” Oakley says.
She goes on to say that the way parents should pray for their child in this area remains unchanged based on the child’s age. “Always pray that the Lord would reveal the root of whatever the issue may be,” Oakley says.
She states that when it comes to the topics of gender, sexuality, and identity, too often parents pray about the symptom but do not ask God to reveal the root of the issue. “Children who communicate these kinds of struggles with their parents aren’t just communicating a fad, they’re communicating a root issue,” she explains. “You want to find out what is causing them to believe that who God created them to be is not enough. What is speaking into that narrative?
“Also, always pray to show love as you’re interacting with your child and having conversations,” she states.
EDUCATE YOURSELF
In 2022, Pew Research reported that at least 44% of individuals in America know someone who identifies differently than their biological sex.
As Christians, and especially as parents, it is important to stay up-to-date on the trends and forces facing the youth and young adults of today. Oakley encourages parents to remain aware of culture without ingesting it. “Keep an eye out, know what the trends are on social media and what this generation is consuming.”
She says that one of the best ways to do this is to have face to face conversations.
“Sit at the dinner table and talk or find a way to maintain an active presence in the lives of your children,” she encourages. “It’s about connection. Ask yourself how you’re intentionally continually developing your relationship with your child. Ask your children how they’re doing and be willing to listen and understand their world. Educate yourself on your child’s wellbeing.”
PROACTIVELY PLAN
Parents should also proactively plan and think through compassionate yet uncompromising responses if the issue of transgenderism touches their family in some way.
The first response should always be compassion, says Oakley. “I would always encourage parents to think about the kind of compassion that Jesus has shown them in the midst of their humanity and struggles.”
When a child approaches their parents with a vulnerable discussion or disclosure, Oakley says that parents should feel encouraged that their children are comfortable enough to have such a conversation. “If your children feel like they can come and talk to you about anything, if you’ve created a space like that, you’re doing a great job,” she says.
Yet in their effort to create a place where their children feel emotionally safe to have hard conversations, Oakley reminds parents that compassion does not demand compromise or conforming beliefs.
“Don’t ever feel pressured to conform to cultural pronouns,” Oakley says. “It won’t help your child because there is no such thing as a compassionate lie.” She states that having honest conversations about personal convictions is important for parents. “Parents should help their kids understand that part of loving Jesus is loving their child well, which includes not lying to them by mislabeling them using incorrect pronouns.”
She states that Christian parents have a responsibility to God first and foremost. When parents uphold biblical values and stand firm on biblical truths, God will honor their hearts, even when there may be pushback from those around them, she says.
Finally, Oakley urges parents to resist the lie that a child’s issue with gender or sexual identity is the result of a flaw in their parenting. “Parents tend to think, ‘What did I do wrong,’ but that is a trick of the enemy,” she says. “None of us are perfect, especially parents, but it is a lie of the enemy to believe that imperfections as a parent are the reason for a child’s gender confusion.”
Spiritual wisdom, cultural awareness, and compassion rooted in unwavering faith are the tools with which Oakley believes parents should arm themselves. For children or preteens struggling with gender dysphoria, Oakley encourages parents to familiarize themselves with resources by Linda Seiler, author of Transformation, and Joe Dallas, founder of Genesis Counseling.